Friday, 24 June 2011

Erratum and Apology to Readers

Dear Reader

Yesterday - carried away on a tide of nationalist pride - I declared: "The devolved nationalist government is talking about banning trousers and obliging Scots-born men to wear kilts."

Apparently I was wrong. A source close to Holyrood - a friend of my father's - contacted him to set the record straight. I'm afraid to say that I cannot quote his statement verbatim because, regrettably, it was framed in language so intemperate that I cannot bring myself to type it. I may be a straight man, but I am keenly aware that many ladies read my blog. Suffice it to say, his statement to my father amounted to a strong denial.

I have cancelled my order for more presentable underpants with the Edinburgh Woolen Mill. Not only are these items no longer required for formal occasions (which I assumed would become more frequent once the yoke of the English hegemony was removed and as a nation we were allowed to breath once more) but it seems the EWM company has been infected by Angloists. Their 'trouser' department is a disgrace to their nation.

I must also take issue with another unkind thought my father's friend expressed. I know you will be shocked to learn that he questioned my mental stability. I know this will make you angry. I would be angry but I am used to this sort of abuse - as are many of my comrades in arms. Questioning the sanity of political dissidents is an age-old tactic used by repressive regimes. I will not be cowed. I am strong. Do not fear for me.

So, dear reader, I must apologise for giving you false hope that The Tartan would once again flap about our noble knees with pride. I should have checked my sources before putting fingers to keyboard. But hope - even when it is false - is a precious thing. Hope is what sustains us, what nurtures us and urges us forward to victory. Keep hope - all types of hope - alive!

In solidarity and friendship

Jock McTaggish
(The sole author of this blog)

Thursday, 23 June 2011

My kilt of choice. My choice to kilt.

The devolved nationalist government is talking about banning trousers and obliging Scots-born men to wear kilts. I welcome this. I have been wearing a kilt for some time. It is symbolic and will stregnthen our sense of citizenship when the inevitable time comes. Revolution. In our thinking. Independence.

When Southerners turn their eyes towards The North and the Hebrides, the first thing that strikes them is the large number of men with uncovered knees. Often, in the trousered South, this is seen as an act of foolishness, a disregard for Highland thistle and a form of oppression. Is gender integration not as oppressive as gender segregation? Why should, their glares demand, Scots men - heterosexual men - look indistinguisable, sartorially speaking, from Scots women?

I personally don't think it is. Of course I'm a sexist and heterosexist first and I believe in the division of the sexes along appropriate lines as much as the next man - or woman, but I'm also a Scotsman. So I uncover my knees, not once or twice for Riverdancing, but every time I go out in public.

"It is my kilt, my choice!" I cry in defiance!

Sadly no one appears to notice.

If only I coud be someone else, I catch myself thinking. Someone striding down the High Street in Camden Town in London where heads would turn and I could scream silently "Look at me! LOOK AT ME!!"

Hello Cruel World

This blog will be about my life as a heterosexual bloke finding his way in the hostile world of Edinburgh - where there is little space for people like me. I hope you follow me in my continuing adventures. Along the way, I'll introduce you to my father - who greatly admires my sexual prowess - and my cousin who might pop in to tell you things about me too.

Also, through describing both my situation and my daily life, I hope to give the world a real insight into what life holds for a straight man in a small (sort of) counrty called Scotland, part of the Britsih Empire.